Making contact when you aren't a mind reader

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‘Some days when I was visiting my sick husband I went to the coffee shop for some space. At other times I would have loved to talk to someone about the challenges they were facing to take my mind off my own problems. But I had no way of telling anybody what kind of day I was having.’

It can be a tricky situation; you’re sitting alone having a cup of coffee and someone at the next table is also sitting alone. You think, “Should I talk to them?” Plucking up courage is the start, but fear of rejection, and the knowledge that a lot of people simply don’t want to chat puts you off. So, you don’t say anything and you continue looking into your coffee cup, perhaps hoping “maybe they’ll talk to me?” but, they are thinking the same thing. And so you sit there alone, two people who would love to have a friendly chat, but don’t know it – we’re simply not mind readers.

Now thanks to Chat Mats there is a simple, discreet and clear way of knowing who does and doesn’t want to talk, without even asking.

Coffee Companions is a new social enterprise which has developed Chat Mats; two sided laminated discs, with simple ‘Say Hello’ (on the green side) or ‘Not today’ (on the red side). The green side encourages people to begin a conversation over coffee, whilst the red side shows that the person having coffee is happy in their own company. Coffee Companions has a vision of creating contacts, building healthy communities, by letting others know when their company would be welcome – starting with a cup of coffee.

We know that social isolation has serious health implications and is equated to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. “Creating contacts” can therefore improve health and reduce the need for GP visits or hospital care. Chat Mats also provide choice; we need to respect the right to privacy. For some, being able to be part of a social environment, without the need to engage with it, will enable a tentative first step.

Chat Mats are for anyone to use anywhere, at any time. There is no need for club membership, specific meeting times, or volunteers to administer the initiative. Individuals simply need to buy, or be given, Chat Mats. Many will use their Chat Mats in a high street coffee shop, but there is no limit to locations.

It could be the supermarket café, the restaurant at a tourist attraction, a leisure centre, hospital or workplace.

Within the hospital setting alone the applications are many and varied:

• The inpatient that could put it on their bed table to indicate if they are wanting a day of peace, or would love a bit of a chat when their tea is served

• The inpatient, outpatient or visitor that goes to the coffee shop perhaps just for a change of scenery and peace, or perhaps for some real chat about something other than their health.

• The staff on a break that want to share their challenges and seek new solutions, or who just need to recharge their batteries. The health, social and emotional benefits can then be extended into the community by using health and care professionals to share the concept:

• GPs who want a social prescription they can physically hand over (in time, with a list of locally registered locations offering a Companions Hour). This could be linked to a leisure centre with a coffee shop so that social and physical activity are combined

• Older people referred to a befriending or ‘home from hospital’ scheme that need a helping hand to the next stage could use them when out with a carer

• Staff who have moved to be near work and want to know where to find information about the local community, and people to chat to

• Along with anyone else, anywhere, at any time.
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